She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That accounts for only three of the penises
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
