Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
