Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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