last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
