you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Who died my cat blue again?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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