I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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