I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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