I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
