i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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