Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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