Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
