Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
