I can tuck mytits in my pants
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
