I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
