I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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