What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
