My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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