NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
