the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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