So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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