after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
