She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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