I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
