What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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