You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
