god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
