I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
