im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
