Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
