I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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