That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
