i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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