Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
