A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
