Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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