I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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