goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
