Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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