we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize