Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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