And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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