Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
