you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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