Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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