First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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