I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
