it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
