We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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