You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
