Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
