Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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