btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
