And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
