bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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