i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
