So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
