is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
