i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
