I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
They have beer where we have blood.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
