so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
