Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
