You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize