I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
