at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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